stop confusing me with the truth

“To hold the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower”
To hold infinity at the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour”
            
           

That is one of my favorite lines. Got that somewhere and was popularized from an Angelina Jolie movie - yum- Not that it means anything to what I am relating here or has any sense at all for the day to day write ups i have been churning out. Same story  - different read out…. Boy meets dream.. Boy wakes up. Crappy… yes.. I would have liked to stay forever and ever and ever in that dream and never wake up. But i did wake up. More on necessity than anything else - i would have paid big time to be there forever. I live a spartan life, work eat , play when play is called for. But this had thrown me off so much, that while I still could stand back up and do something about it, I should. And I did.  I forced the issue and got the “maybe” - I deserve.. and the tag companion I i did not - could not. How I wish it wasn’t that way. Life would have been a lot more fun. Not much easier to bear but the journey would have been a lot more exciting/interesting. Fate… Why do you let me be in heaven only to find out that heaven had lost the one being I so desired. …  Ironic to realize that heaven is not a place but a person.
                   
Get me back to that dream.. please.. be with me…        
              
The world moves on though and those left dreaming are the ones left behind. It pained me much to confront the issue knowing what was at stake. I had more to lose and much much more to suffer for knowing the truth than had I been left wondering if it would ever come to pass. And It did….and I had felt a pain I could only describe as one pain that I will never let myself ever feel again. The sunrise came with no color that day. And after another second lasting an eternity. the light faded. I was blind. I could no longer see what was ahead. I could not see. I was lost in the darkness. It would not have been as bad if the blackness was with the calm. I still feel. I still feel all the pain.  
        
Dream.       
           
I wanted so much to get back to that dream..dream when sleep had been eluding me…. dream when dream belongs to some one else’s.. dream that the dream will one day become my reality… too many dreams too little time too little chance too little life left on me to dream….. still i dream.

And while I dream. “Stop confusing me with the truth”
                         

Do I make any sense? I guess not…
Yep still at it then….I never make sense when it is most important to me
(hay.. 23 minutes to write this senseless whining)