17 minute post mortem of 3 eternities, 2 lifetimes and 1 rebirth

I seem to be where I am not supposed to be. I am in the wrong place at the wrong time again. And I cant fu%#ing fix it. I am now trying to freakin’ stand it. I know its hard and I also know that there is that light and the end of the tunnel. But darkness is way too long and the light too far away.

 I took my day off yesterday. It was fun. Met up with a couple of friends. twas everything I hoped it would be. except that at the end of the night or was it day he he he… and I was on my way home. I realize….. the drama begins again. The pain went away momentarily. The pain was dulled by the alcohol, clouded by beautiful company and whisked away by even more beautiful and a wee bit more intimate ahh err interlude. As I get my feet back to the ground I realize I still miss you so much. I miss you so much that I can hadly stand it. There was never enough time  when I am with you. And eternity passes till the next time I am with you.  How is that for drama. True but maybe not too true in time…. I wish.

As I am so fond of wishes, dreams, angels and fantasies, darkness and light, I will still wish. Still dream. Still be….. oh shameless who am I kidding.. I will still be but I still breath, eat, drink and live. I am not one of those people who would bury their head in the sand and cry give me light. I am a realist, no matter how high up my head may be stuck up in the blue blue  blue sky.

I wish everyday was like that. Eat, drink and be merry… and why not. life is still beautiful, the world still revolves…my world may end with the setting of one but it sure can rise again with another. much like a phoenix. hehe another fantasy creature hee hee.

So where was I? Sad yes? happy? no? satisfied? hell no!! - pay is still crap and money still rules!!.. but grounded - wellll as much grounded as I can be… I am pretty high up in the clouds you know.. its still a little too high to be THAT grounded… 

Still.. my story becomes clearer to me now… convoluted and twisted beyond recognition and making it a love story lost forever. Undying…. glorified and then forgotten……( I lie… i know it will not be forgotten.. just tabled and consciously blocked)

So in this drama I say… Long ago in someone else’s story… some one with my name .. who looked a lot like me.. Came to know a dream and made a promise. She only had to say and that’s where he would be… lately although the feeling run just as deep. the promise he made has grown impossible to keep.. and yet he wished it wasnt so… Will she listen if I go?…………. In a way its someone else’s story, I dont see myself as taking part at all..yesterday the boy that I grew up with finally could see the writing on the wall.. Sadly he realized he’d left her behind and sadder than that he knew.. she wouldnt even mind.. I’ve now have nothing left to say.. will she listen if I stay?  Its all very well to say you fool its now or never.. I could be choosy.. no choices what so ever…… I could be in someone else’s story…. someone elses life.,…. and she could be in mine.. I dont see a reason to be lonely.. I can take my chances somewhere down the line…  AND IF THIS BOY I KNEW would ask my advise…I would not hesitate he need not ask me twice.. GO NOW.. I’d tell him that for FREE… the problem is… this boy is me….. the story is this boy is me…..

Poetic license violated half a dozen times here but hey… my heart is in a song.. and my life isnt really in tune yet… try making sense of THAT!!

Again wrong place wrong time.. And i Cant fix it.. so I will have to stand it…. there … maybe that makes a little more sense now……( doubtful but bear with me)

ohhhhhhh boy… I make less and less sense everyday…  done it 17mins..