of foolish words and double meanings

“”His great golden spear filled with fire plunged into me several times. Penetrated to my very entrails, a sweetness so extreme that one cound not possibly wish it to stop……..”"

          
Now who would have thought that those words were spoken by St. Therese on her visitation from an Angel… I wonder which one… which one of those Angels play naughty hookie. (hee hee)  For a brief moment it made me think of a cheesy line from the a porn with literary pretensions. Certainly errr inappropropriate unsaintly and oh so carnal. Struck me coz I too had been thinking of inappropriate words and deeds and maybe the rest too.

                      
Actions….. I could say that I have remained chaste (I drag the word “chaste” with an entry of Saint Therese) - well maybe in the barest sense of being chaste…. Rut do seem to be setting in. And its been one wonder after another.. fine fine fine .. its not a wonder at all - my nose is getting longer again .. but it has been really really really pleasant that stopping kinda brings me a weird sense of longing….. maybe the right word is hunger….hunger not satisfied by any food. The other day.. when the night was almost over and we were just delaying the inevitable…..(the parting for the night - me for work already five hours later than what I supposed I should have reported) we dropped by the empty John Hay and strolled. Actually walked from Manor to more than halfway across the fairways and green and watched the night sky transform itself to the colors of blues and reds and oranges to white.  And beside me was a presence that somehow gave  warmth from the cold - and comfort with the simplest gesture of a hand holding mine. Can there anything more romantic than that…. as the day and the walk slowed to a halt…. wanting so much more than just plain hand held, shoulder to shoulder, an occasional glance lingerig far so much longer than a glance… getting lost in those eyes.. that presence.. the aura …. it was a moment of magic….so I did the romantic…. I kissed… I should not have. It was too soon.

                  
Words…. as kisses came forth and words were tried to explain the meaning of the action …I realized that I could not yet bear to say the words of love that would have fitted the situation.. im not yet there… maybe in time… soon i hope… the heart does take its sweet time to heal and to be where it should.. though  it seem like this time  it may cooperate…. I search for the right words to mean that I care and that the future looks rosier for us but not yet the words of love and devotion that lovers whisper in the night to make one feel safe and warm…I would have loved to say those words… words that just fit the situation but I didnt want to lie. I dont want wrong expectations set. What words were there to say that I am loving this, enjoying this, feeling this and mean it but with out any excess or showers of lies. My mind drew a blank…im stuck on the word love…. COME ON BRAIN DONT FAIL ME NOW….. as i struggle to form the line which I know was a line… I said.. I … I… such I…….. I (smiling now) and I was given relief with the words

       
” Quit blabbering and lie quickly .. I know its a lie but i will take it… for  now….

          
And we laughed… the spell wasnt broken, the magic was still there and I thought.. I am sooo lucky……
As I continue to compose words that werent making sense.. I knew that my smile made for it.. the momentary embrace makes it real and the held hand made up for all the thoughts and words lost in form.

        
And I thought… now when will the words of St Therese be my actions………

             
4 Done… 5 Set.. what more can I ask…. oh yeah…. Seraph still reign deep in the recesses of my heart… heavenly trumpets still blow when I feel the angelic presence… but  maybe not for long???