maybe
July 3, 2006Where in heaven can i find fate that eludes me but for my wishful thinking.
I know im lost. I seem to be so far a way from the world that should be mine. I know heaven and happiness continues to be a dream that I dare not even hope for it to come true except in my wildest and most wonderous fantasy. I long for one that can not be mine. One glimpse of this heaven and a smile genuine and true. And maybe a star could shine for me to guide my way. And yet this dream lives in me; within me; around me. If only I could open my eyes, open my ears and my heart for this someone to make home of that empty space inside me. I see yet i do not really see. I feel and yet all emotions are lost. I open my arms to the wrong person. I welcome my life to the thieves in the night. Realizing too late that even thieves do not stay the night even on a world of eternal darkness. Maybe a little each day; each moment will bring me closer to the heavens and the stars
I can only hope that as I tread each step; live each day and tackle each task at hand - it brings me closer to the heaven I know I should deserve, what any man should deserve. And yet despair and doubt envelops my being. Am I really on my way there. And that somewhere down the road when as far as I can see I see nothingness after nothingness. Is it over the bend right beneath the sky? Ever so slowly though surely tomorrow will shine. I only my heart would stay the course. Can I hope for a tomorrow that I would want to live in? where the pain is not just masked but banished for real. where every waking moment is bliss?
Can I really be in heaven and the stars - the place I have yearned to be. and yet….
Heaven and the stars are all here.
Maybe tomorrow when I wake up. The stars and the heavens would be mine to live and be….
………………. maybe……….
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