Flying Without Wings

September 23, 2007

 

 

I have always though myself of a bird…. Maybe it was the thought that I am flying that had always attracted me to such a fantasy. In a way it could be that, though I think it is more so on the thought that I am really flying…. Not the literal flying though that in itself I had wished so much too and dreamed for so long as well…

Do I wish to fly because I am still looking for something? Or do I wish to fly simply because I am looking?

I wonder which one holds more attraction….. I know though that flying as my mind wanders there is one thing that I desire more than flying… it’s the flying back to my little nest. Nest I am not sure exists… Does it now?

I don’t know…

Why did my mind wander to this hopeless/hopeful hoping again? Am I losing it again? Another foolish enterprise knowing that it will end where I care not to be? One say hi so easily and gets lost in those gazes. One hello gets you another fifteen minutes of ecstasy but only after half an eternity waiting and another half an eternity of agony after… 

So is it worth flying without wings knowing that though you may soar to the high heavens to reach for the stars. You can only kiss the stars only to fall back in your small and lonely place on the ground….. Is it worth it?

I don’t know?

There is this someone again a hundred times complicated by relationships another thousand times unavailable. And yet I feel close, far closer than any I have ever ventured to be. I knew you well, too well. And love had grown for all I know. Look at the two of us. Another set of strangers in so many ways. A life time to share but not together or maybe together but not as one. Time will tell or it will not. And while I stare at you and hear your heart beat every single time, I know that we are stars apart.  I often wonder why your heart beats for me those strangest times when you know that those beats will keep me sane. How can you tell? And yet not be able to tell me that you feel the same. I do feel lost whenever that happens. You could be the sweetest thing to me, the most caring thing in the world and yet still a star far away. And though you can lift me to fly even without wings……. I can never fly to you and stay there…. Not now not forever… and knowing me…

Forever is the only thing will do. I have forever…… You are my forever…. I am your forever… but maybe apart.. for now.. for a while… forever. I will wait. Now … forever……. And those fleeting moments that your being you lifts me up to the stars to fly without wings.. should be enough to last me a second.. a minute .. a forever……

You will always be my stigmata…………………………………………. This I know.

So here the song that brought this thought back to my fleeting mind……..

"Flying Without Wings"

Everybody's looking for that something

One thing that makes it all complete

You'll find it in the strangest places

Places you never knew it could be

 

Some find it in the face of their children

Some find it in their lover's eyes

Who can deny the joy it brings

When you've found that special thing

You're flying without wings

 

Some find it sharing every morning

Some in their solitary lives

You'll find it in the words of others

A simple line can make you laugh or cry

 

You'll find it in the deepest friendship

The kind you cherish all your life

And when you know how much that means

You've found that special thing

You're flying without wings

 

So, impossible as they may seem

You've got to fight for every dream

Cos who's to know which one you let go

Would have made you complete

 

Well, for me it's waking up beside you

To watch the sunrise on your face

To know that I can say I love you

In any given time or place

 

It's little things that only I know

Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings

Cos you're my special thing

I'm flying without wings

 

And you're the place my life begins

And you'll be where it ends

I'm flying without wings

 

And that's the joy you bring

I'm flying without wings

 

Where ever you are, in whatever form you come to me….. when you do, I know ill be flying without wings…

Dedicated to September 17.