Desperado…..

June 1, 2008

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
You been out ridin fences for so long now
Oh, youre a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow

 

I know I am running desperate now. I don’t know what to do, don’t know what to say. I know of the hundred reasons to go. 99 was mine. It does not seem that we would be back as it used to be as much as I hope it could still be so. There are times that enough need to be enough and one should let go. Except that I am again looking in from way outside. Detachment had always been my thing. But here I am starting at the end of the story and hoping that someone ever understands my ramblings…….. I can not help it…. I am hurting… I am lost.. I have no direction…..

 

A long long time ago  mid-winter’s eve, on a very very dark night on a corner of the world half forgotten, I was lying in my restlessness and there you were, A breath of fresh air in the dank, desolation of my lonesome and loneliness. I said hello or something I said with the hesitancy and the mock bravery I do not have. A whisper, a sigh, a blush and a spark of interest …… and it was a whirlwind of wanting to know you, needing to know you, loving to know you now……….

 

Many moons later, many dark nights later … I got lost… I did not see that I need you more and more as I had grown to love you beyond I cared to admit, beyond what I cared to give…. I had lost my heart to you… knowing that it was safe, warm and taken cared for…….Little did I know and realize that your heart was with me too. Should have been safe, tucked away in the securest place I could keep it.. my heart……Why I chose to think or not to think of it was beyond me… I do love you, and care for you and want to keep you happy… I guess sometimes we forget that we are caretakers of the hearts we steal and keepers or the promises we give……….

 

Don you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
Shell beat you if shes able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, oh, you aint gettin no youger
Your pain and your hunger, theyre drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

 

I chose this path unwittingly. I must take the hardship the comes with it. And knowing that I had lost you already, I must fight for you, only I don’t have the face, the guts and the mien anymore…. I am no longer credible, no two feet to stand on. Lost and alone again.

 

Desperado? Yes I am… deathly desperate to find you, seek you out, be with you … to love me.

 

Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late

 

It is too late now though… far too late, too far gone and I am watching your ship go by unable to shout out…. I need you.. I want you… I love you…….

  

Not my best… I know…. I am still so lost.. cant think…. Muse and love gone .. what is left but words L