A touch of Prescience….. sometimes good things arent meant to last …

I guess I had been most happy these past few months. Love is compartamentalized in his own department. Funny that when I lost track of ol stradivarius. Music came strolling back to my life. Chock one for bad karma. Still reeling from the being dethroned - throne being derived from the thronal meanings with heavenly undertones.

Stigma takes too long to heal or get erased but i should say that I have moved on - I can even say that I have found the equillibrium that have for so long eluded me.

I am at last a little more at peace with myself. And why not… I have paid my dues. I suffered long enough for the long dead and gone.

I am in love again.. not the same intensity as before..  more like its worse than ever. Craving, yearning and crazen.. Is crazen a word? crazed and dazed over you…. Anything for you…  simply anything… Time keeps dragging when you are away… Id do anything for you.. play all games as long as it is playing with you….  But alas – I don’t think it will be the best of cases. I see the world blossoming for you and me but I don’t see it blossoming in the same garden. And I fear that. I am afraid to lose you. Arrg! When I started I knew the rules – two months, don’t get attached, make it really good and always keep some perspective – this is not the be all end all of relationships. Now do I go away or just keep to this knowing that I am now hopelessly into you.

What to do, what to do…..prepare and change the rules, it will be disastrous very soon. One does not keep love when you give love too much. The easiest way to kill love is to smother it with more love.  I could still extricate myself …. But do I want to. There is a certain fastidious clarity when one does not play games. I know I do not aim to keep this relationship. It will end as with most that burned too brightly. This reminds me of a song again ….

“the choice was mine.. and mine completely – I could burn with the splendor of the brightest star .. or else I could choose time… remember I was very young then .. and the year was forever and a day”  what use to me is another ten years or twenty ………. “

And now what I would give for time……….

I know this will be my line soon. Better get ready!!!